Breakdown of the fiction submission process:
Day One:
Submit story to publication. Double check 15 times that you have the correct email address.
(If using Submittable, double check that you didn't accidentally withdraw the manuscript.)
Days Two through Fourteen:
Check email every 12 seconds.
Experience outrage that publication does not respond instantly.
Day Fifteen:
Alternately assume rejection while at the same time assuming an acceptance with the same level of enthusiasm as what was shown in Ralphie's "theme" day dream in "A Christmas Story."
Day Sixteen:
Read over submitted manuscript and realize it still has serious structural problems. Secretly hope to be rejected so you can fix said manuscript.
Day Twenty:
Assume manuscript lost in the ether. Consider resubmitting under a different name. Ultimately decide to let it go gentle into that dark night.
Day Twenty Five (or Ninety One, depending on the publisher): Hour One:
Receive rejection email.
Same day: Hour One and one minute:
Experience outrage that someone would reject such brilliance.
Same day: Hour One and six minutes:
Happy dance over the opportunity to revise rejected manuscript
Same day: Hour One and eight minutes:
Experience outrage that someone would reject such brilliance.
Same day: Hour One and ten minutes:
Question your abilities. Confirm confidence in your abilities by reading poorly-written erotica. Have a drink. Start new story.
Same day: Later than night:
Experience outrage that your work isn't on the level you want it to be. Finish new story and start second new story.
Following weeks:
Revise rejected story. Submit revised story. Go back to day one and do it all over again. Repeat process for the rest of your natural life.
